LOYAL TO A FAULT
Many families have traditions. These
traditions give a sense of belonging, a reassurance of stability. Some families get up before the sun rises on Christmas morning to
read the story of Jesus’ birth by the light of a decorated evergreen tree. Some
serve pie for birthdays instead of cake. Others go camping at the same campsite
on the same day every year. Traditions are a way of keeping memories alive.
But there are infamous family traditions
as well. Some children grow up hating others of different colors or
nationalities simply because their parents or relatives do. Some cling to
historical wrongs like it happened yesterday because letting go would mean they
had forsaken the core purpose of their tribe or clan. Sometimes
misunderstandings or wrongs are done within a family and it tears the family
apart as bitterness and retaliation are passed on generation after generation.
Bitterness is a complex sin. It corrodes
marriages, divides siblings, and splits churches. Sports team loyalties get
nasty. Small town feuds turn ugly. Passionate convictions in political parties,
rights, and denominations easily erupt into malicious hatred against those who get
in the way.
Bitterness is not something that
disappears overnight, even after a person is saved. It’s a battle against the pain
of unwarranted consequences, against the reminders of ongoing difficult relationships.
It doesn’t matter if we are on vacation, or change relationships, or receive
the desires of our heart. Bitterness clings to a person like a cloak. Its
poison seeps out in the mundane through grumbling and complaining, hostility,
and resentment. And since we share this sin-cursed world with other sinners, pain
and undeserved suffering will continue until we draw our last breath.
In my last post (see Bitterness: Caught in the Middle – Part 1),
I showed the importance of receiving peace with our Creator before we can ever
hope to have peace with other people or the past. Bitterness elevates wrongs
and injustice so that we feel justified in suppressed anger, even murder. But
God levels the standard so that everyone who sins is guilty before Him (Rom.
3:23).
It is humbling to be placed in the same
category as the ones who wrong us, but our sin against God is infinitely more
wrong than anything anyone can do to us. Jesus Christ is the answer to our
separation from God. He is the Peacemaker who endured hostility and abuse from
sinners and willingly took the consequences their sins deserved so that He
could grant eternal life through His amazing grace. The love and compassion of
our Creator is a great example of how we should interact with our own enemies.
But He is more than an example, Jesus must be our everything.
Ephesians 2:4-10, But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.
If you have been changed by the power of
the Holy Spirit in salvation, the battle against the sin of bitterness is just
beginning. Bitterness is inextricably linked with our former identity as a
sinner. As children of God, we are called to put off the old self
(Col. 3:5-10) and put on Christ (vv. 12-17).
THORNS AND THISTLES
Recently I was pulling weeds with my
daughters. The sun was hot. There were ants and spiders. We were sweaty and our
hands were tender from thorns and slivers. I confess it was frustrating that
we’d waited so long. How were these dumb weeds thriving in the middle of ants’
nests and gravel while my basil and tomatoes wilted if I missed one day of
watering? They were brown and gnarly from weeks without a good downpour. I purposefully
drove over them every time I came up the driveway. My husband chopped them to
grass level with the weed-whacker. It went against all reason, yet somehow they
flourished (and multiplied!) with neglect while my vegetables needed to be
babied and watered constantly.
As I sat on the edge of the driveway
that hot June day, the tops of the weeds kept snapping off in my hand leaving
stubborn taproots behind. Pulling weeds from the cultivated soil of a garden is
much easier than from a desert wasteland baking in the hot sun, I discovered.
But I was too lazy to find the shovel in our messy shed. Before long, the job
was done – or so it appeared. A few days later, the weeds reappeared along the
driveway because the roots had not been dealt with.
In Mark 4:3-20, Jesus compares people’s
hearts to different fields. Every heart begins as a depraved, hardened field
full of weeds. When God saves a person, He softens their heart with the
water of the Holy Spirit and causes the good seed of His Word to come alive in
their heart. But this is when the real difficulty begins.
Even though God changes the hard soil of
a person’s heart into soft soil, the weeds must still be pulled. As long as a
Christian is pursuing Christ, their heart will remain sensitive to temptation
and desperate for God’s grace. Weeds will be addressed sooner rather than
later. But if sin is passively allowed to remain, it will slowly choke out the
good fruits of repentance and faith.
Often it is difficult to recognize weeds
until they have already taken root. Bitterness is like this. It is human to
grumble about the weather, abuse, pain, or stress. But it is also sin when we shake our fist at God who created the circumstances or slander people
who hurt us. The more grumbling is tolerated, the deeper bitterness takes root.
As the conviction to repent is ignored and the grace of God is taken for
granted, the harder the soil of our heart becomes, making it that much harder to
pull out the root of bitterness.
If you are a child of God, there are
serious long-term spiritual consequences when bitterness is allowed to stay. Consider
four of the most serious consequences:
Bitterness attempts to quench the Holy
Spirit. If you have been made
alive through Jesus Christ, God has given you something greater than a
conscience to ensure that the soil of your heart produces fruit. The Holy
Spirit produces life in each of God’s children through the water of God’s word
and the sunlight of God’s means of grace. To ignore this Helper – even
blatantly disregarding what the Bible says – is to “quench”, or attempt to
extinguish, the Holy Spirit Himself. It is to deny life to our very soul. As
long as the Holy Spirit is actively cherished, bitterness cannot endure for
long.
1 Thessalonians 5:15-19, See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people. Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not quench the Spirit.
Bitterness grieves the Holy Spirit. Many times we forget that God has emotions. But in
the midst of sovereignly-planned circumstances, God responds with righteous
emotions, including grief when His children stubbornly cling to bitterness and
sin. God deeply loves His children and earnestly desires their holiness. If you
have experienced true regeneration yet refuse to fight against bitterness, this
defiance grieves the Holy Spirit who actively ensures your salvation before
God. He grieves because He deeply loves God’s beloved children and desires
their good.
Ephesians 4:30-31, Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.
Bitterness spreads like poison. It overflows in conversation and snide comments. It
spreads rumors and wants others to feel sorry for it. But when we allow
bitterness to spread through malice, slander, or gossip, we are actually
heaping sin upon sin by causing
trouble. Hebrews 12:15 gives a sobering warning on the seriousness of allowing
bitterness to bear fruit. To “come short of the grace of God” is to react to
difficulty according to selfishness, rather than showing grace as God has shown
even to someone who deserves the opposite.
Hebrews 12:15, See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled.
Bitterness hardens the heart. In the Old Testament, the Israelites missed the point
of their redemption from slavery. They thought God would lead them immediately
to the Promised Land. They expected Him to give them bread and water whenever
they wanted. They wanted God to conquer their enemies for them and were
surprised when He allowed their enemies to subdue them every time they
rebelled. Rather than responding in faith, they responded in bitterness which
eventually led to a hardened heart. They were so focused on their expectations that
they were willing to forfeit the blessings of the bigger picture of walking in
a relationship with the One who loved them. This warning holds true for all
God’s people today. The bigger picture is learning what it means to love and be
loved by Jesus Christ as we follow Him in faith for the rest of our life – no
matter the cost!
Hebrews 3:14-15, For we have become partakers of Christ, if we hold fast the beginning of our assurance firm until the end, while it is said, “Today if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts, as when they provoked Me.”
Uprooting bitterness is often
discouraging because it takes more blood,
sweat, and tears to uproot than if we just let it go. But life is filled with
pain and injustice. It’s not a matter of if
I’m tempted, but when. In fighting against the weeds of bitterness, I have
found it encouraging to consider God’s provision. If we are to put off sin, how
does God tell us to respond instead?
DWELL ON THESE THINGS
To “dwell on” is a familiar phrase to those who struggle with bitterness. Bitterness
regurgitates and ruminates on past wrongs. It is no accident that God uses the
phrase “dwell on” in Philippians 4:7-8
as to where our thoughts ought to be, And
the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and
your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally,
brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever
is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any
excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.
As a practical exercise in redirecting
our thoughts and emotions, consider the principles from Romans 12:14-21:
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly.Do not be wise in your own estimation.Never pay back evil for evil to anyone.Respect what is right in the sight of all men.If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. “But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.”Do not be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good.
During the time of the Roman Empire,
painful circumstances were a daily occurrence in the early church. They were
despised and hated by the authorities, burned at the stake, and fed to wild
animals for the entertainment of the mob. Families were torn apart, women
raped, children enslaved, and fathers crucified. Their land was taken away,
their possessions plundered, and houses burned. Yet God never gave them a hall
pass for bitterness. Under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, the apostle Paul
penned these verses to the suffering church in Rome to encourage them to dwell
on the right things.
Bless those who persecute you; bless and
do not curse (v. 14). To curse
someone is to wish evil upon them, that they would burn in hell, that they
would get cancer or that they would experience the same pain they’ve inflicted
on others. Blessing our persecutor does not mean faking a smile and wishing
them happiness in their current state of sin. It means to pray for their
salvation, that they would receive mercy from God through Jesus before it’s too
late. The first time I tried praying specifically for my abuser and other
people who had wronged me, I was surprised at how difficult it was to get those
first words out. I wrestled against the pain, mostly just regurgitating it at
the feet of Christ. I was faced with the need to forgive and let it sit in
God’s hands where it belonged. I realized praying for my enemies was not only
for their sakes but also for my own in the fight against bitterness.
Matthew 5:44-45, “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.”
Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep
with those who weep (v. 15). This
phrase hits home when something good is withheld and given to someone else, or
when suffering comes into another’s life after they’ve inflicted much suffering
on others. Emotions are severely tested in this command to celebrate in their
joy or grieve in their loss. It’s eye-opening to realize how much bitterness has
taken hold when we cannot sincerely follow through with this command. God
sovereignly orchestrates circumstances to reveal whether our hearts are at
peace in Him or harboring bitterness.
Matthew 6:21, 33, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
Be of the same mind toward one another;
do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your
own estimation (v. 16).
Bitterness prefers to be around those who agree and shuns those who disagree.
It judges based on appearances, nationality, race, class in society, IQ, and
sex. But here we are reminded of our identity in Christ. God has placed the
standard of redemption at a level that eliminates cultural categorization and
self-righteousness. Salvation is based on Jesus Christ, not anything that might
be brought to the table. Our interactions with others should be humble, saturated
with undeserved grace and kindness, because this is how God interacts with us.
Ephesians 5:2, And walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.
Never pay back evil for evil to anyone
(v. 17). Often a person who has
been taken advantage of harbors deep resentment, longing to hurt those who have
wronged them. The problem is it often backfires. If you’ve ever seen children
fighting, you will understand what I mean. The wronged child smacks the one who
wronged them, who smacks them back, and soon there’s a full-blown war going on
while the original crime lays forgotten in the dust. Bitterness involves rash
anger in which the end (vengeance) justifies the means (whatever it takes). But
God tests our heart by eliminating the option of repaying evil altogether. He
sees our plight. If you are His child, He is your Protector and will not stand
by forever.
Proverbs 20:22, Do not say, “I will repay evil”; wait for the Lord, and He will save you.
If possible, so far as it depends on
you, be at peace with all men (v. 18). Earlier we looked at the important role of Jesus as our Peacemaker. He
did not pretend our sins were no big deal (peace-faking) or get fed up with the
injustice He experienced and throw in the towel (peace-breaking). Rather, He
persevered and accomplished peace between God and man through redemption and
forgiveness, even under much loss and pain. We are to reflect Christ in being
peacemakers “as far as it depends on
us”. This peacemaking is seen when we interact with others on a level that
holds them accountable for the sake of their salvation, but refuses to hold
their sins against them. We represent the undeserved grace of Jesus Christ before
anything else, even before wrongs done against us.
2 Corinthians 5:20-21, Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome
evil with good (v. 20). To be overcome by something gives the idea of the
loser in a battle. Our instinctive reaction to evil is to end its effects as
soon as possible through escaping or retaliation. But God is calling us to go
deeper and address the source. To “overcome evil with good” is to show the same
basic dignity to our enemies as fellow recipients of God’s mercy by not
withholding their basic needs (Rom. 5:8). Rather than escape or retaliation, we
are called to compassion which God often uses as a means to humble sinners, or
“heap burning coals upon his head” (v. 20b).
Romans 12:19-21, Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. “But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.”
CONCLUSION
If your heart has been softened through
salvation, you are safe in the love of Jesus Christ even in the midst of
ongoing struggle. The same Creator who created the universe “very good” is
actively redeeming His children and making all things beautiful in its time.
May you be encouraged to fight against bitterness
and receive the peace God has promised through faith in Jesus Christ.
1 Peter 4:19, Therefore, those also who suffer according to the will of God shall entrust their souls to a faithful Creator in doing what is right.
Further
Resources:
The book of James was written to
Jewish Christians who experienced great persecution because of their faith in
Jesus Christ. It was written regarding sanctification
– how regeneration is worked out practically in the daily life of true
believers. I would recommend reading the entire book and memorizing James
chapter 1.
Jones, Robert, Uprooting Anger: Biblical Help for a Common Problem
Lane, Tim and Paul David Tripp, Relationships: A Mess Worth Making
Note:
All Scripture referenced from the New American Standard Bible (NASB), unless
otherwise noted.
Public
Domain Photo credits:
Wild Horses – Jean Beaufort
Man in the Shadow – George Hodan
