Scar wanted to be king ever
since he was a young cub. It wasn’t his fault he was scrawny and ugly. It
wasn’t his fault he was unpopular with the pride and completely ignored in settling
any territorial disputes. And the bowing and scraping to the one who held the
coveted position – his older brother, for pity’s sake – grated on his dignity.
He despised them all, but
was wise enough to keep his smoldering anger hidden. At least he had not been
banished – yet – which allowed him to watch proceedings from the background,
gathering information which could be used against them in the future. He knew
he could never win against Mufasa, but there were other ways of defeating those
who stood in the way of what he desired most. Other ways less honorable but ending
with the same results.
And so he turned to the
heir, innocent young Simba who trusted his Uncle Scar implicitly. Seemingly innocent
questions here and there which planted seeds of doubt. Traitorous words against
his older brother with a demeaning smile. It didn’t take long to recognize the
same root of bitterness in his nephew. All he had to do was water little Simba’s
perceptions of injustice, then let the cub take the consequences while he reaped
the glories which had been denied him for so long.
After it was all said and
done, the rightful king was murdered, his son banished, and a cruel and bitter
Scar began his reign of vengeance. The story of The Lion King captures well the journey of bitterness and its
result when left unchecked.
As human beings, we are
incredibly vulnerable to unpredictable circumstances. When those circumstances cause
pain and suffering, there are immediate natural reactions and very real
emotions. These natural responses are part of being a human being. To deny
their place and function would not only be foolish, but also dangerous.
Bitterness often begins as
anger against a problem and frustration that the problem is not resolved. Being
misunderstood or ignored only compounds the problem. Often shame enforces
silence. It feels like a lid clamped down on a boiling pot. Helplessness and
confusion fuel the fire while intense emotions consume thoughts and actions. Suffering
grows, pain intensifies. Over time, suppressed anger and lack of forgiveness
produces bitterness which consumes the entire person. This suppression
eventually backfires, producing deep – even physical – pain in the suffering
individual.
Deep inside, questions go
round and round. Why did this happen to me? Why am I being punished for
something I have no control over? Why have things I loved been taken away? Why
does it seem like no matter what I do it’s never enough? Why was I sexually
abused? Why is so-and-so loved more than me? Why do I have to do this when they
know I hate doing it? Why won’t they change? Can’t they see I’m trying? Why don’t
bad things stop happening to me? Why won’t the pain go away?
At first glance,
circumstances seem to be the culprit. If such-and-such didn’t happen, I
wouldn’t be this way. If such-and-such had happened, my life would be so much
better. Bitterness is justified because of all the difficulty and pain I’ve
been through. It feels good to blame those who’ve wronged me, something
tangible to direct suppressed emotions at.
Like a pet dragon in a
cage, suppressed anger is easily hidden and controlled. Keeping a record of
wrongs seems to ease the pain. So-and-so must be held accountable for their sin,
and letting it go seems to cheapen their crimes. Bitterness only sees the
negative repercussions and cannot look past what has been taken away. This was
the only life I possessed and now it is ruined forever because of circumstances
out of my control. There is no going back. I am doomed to be this way for the
rest of my life.
It is here that bitterness
takes on a demonic slant. If God is good, why did the innocent suffer? If _______________ is good (marriage,
children, love, food, health, etc.), why did He withhold this blessing from me?
Why was I created like this? Why can’t I be more like so-and-so? Why haven’t
other Christians noticed my pain and ministered to me? Why doesn’t God take away
my suffering already?
Once bitterness begins
pointing the finger at God, it is apparent who is in the cage after all. Bitterness
enslaves the person who indulges in it. It becomes their consuming passion to
right the wrongs no matter the cost. Anger merges into gossip, slander, and
malice. It justifies causing pain to others. Over time, bitterness seeks out other
malcontents and sympathizers, growing stronger the more its case is sounded.
Wrongs have been done and justice must be served one way or another.
BLAME IT ON THE SOURCE
If left unchecked,
bitterness ultimately takes a vicious turn for the worst, resulting in
vengeance and even murder. Mark 7:20-23
fleshes out this downward spiral and points the finger at just who is to blame
for bitterness and sin. Surprisingly, it’s not blaming the difficult
circumstances.
And He was saying, “That which proceeds out of the man, that is what defiles the man. For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, and foolishness. All these evil things proceed from within and defile the man.”
And again in James 1:13-16, Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death. Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren.
This is not to say our
circumstances get a hall pass, but the problem lies much deeper. Author and
biblical counselor Paul David Tripp gives a helpful illustration of this point.
If you fill a bottle with water and set it on a counter, nothing happens. But
introduce a house full of thirsty kids or an earthquake and suddenly there’s
water all over the place.
Where did the water come
from? Most people point to the rambunctious children or the earthquake.
Certainly these things were major factors in spilling the water. There’s no
denying that the water would still be safely in the bottle on the counter had
the door been locked or the house built in a place where earthquakes don’t
happen. But the water was not created by difficult circumstances. These
disturbances simply exposed what already existed in the bottle.
At the foundation of every
circumstance is the sovereign hand of God directing events in such a way to
reveal what’s already in our heart, whether good or evil. You can put three people
in the midst of the same difficult circumstance and get three different
responses. The heart of a person is revealed by what they most desire in the
midst of difficulty. Sometimes we may be a victim of our circumstances. Sometimes
those circumstances, for example abuse, are truly evil events. Sometimes we
will be forced to bear undeserved consequences in different ways. But we are
still held accountable for our responses in the midst of it all.
This is an extremely
difficult pill to swallow. The human heart is prone to anger toward painful
circumstances and the God in control of them. People don’t naturally go through
abuse or pain and come out the other side with joy, peace, and thankfulness. To
have the Bible not only point at the wrongs done toward us but also at our
response is an unexpected deflation of how we would justify ourselves.
Throughout the Bible,
there are many examples of people who went through difficulty and responded
according to their natural inclination.
For example, Cain
(Gen. 4:1-16) saw his younger brother’s sacrifice preferred by God. Rather than
heeding God’s warning to look at his heart and repent, he allowed jealousy to
consume him and eventually followed through with bitterness by murdering his
brother.
Naomi (Ruth 1) suffered fear from marauding bands of Midianites,
and then followed her husband to a foreign land, leaving friends, relatives,
and everything familiar behind. Over the course of the next ten years, her
husband and two sons died. Eventually she returned home in poverty where her
bitterness emerged as ingratitude and slander against God Himself even though
He had granted salvation to her pagan daughter-in-law who accompanied her.
Saul (1 Samuel 8-31) was tall, dark, and handsome, the epitome
of what a king of Israel should be – except he never wanted the position. He
forfeited the kingdom when he tried to obey God’s command but was punished for how
he went about it. Jealousy turned into an obsession as Saul tried to murder the
shepherd boy who was destined to inherit the throne rather than his sons.
Everyone knows what it is
like to feel rejection, unkindness, bad days, and difficult relationships. But
even though bitterness is a universal concept, we are not a product of our
circumstances. Every human being is created to reflect the character of God. We
feel anger at injustice because of the higher standard God has stamped on our
hearts. But because of selfishness and depravity, our anger is rarely holy and
good. Like the earthquake disrupting the bottle of water, circumstances often trigger
rebellion.
It’s not about pain and
suffering anymore. It’s not about abuse or legitimate rights snatched away. It’s
not about the lack of love or affirmation I need to function in healthy
relationships. I hope to talk about the importance of justice and our abusers
in a future post, but God never condones bitterness in the hearts of the
abused. Bitterness is ultimately discontentedness with the sovereign hand of
God over everything. It is resentment against God’s decisions and the way He
created things. For us to assume the throne of judgment and point the finger at
our circumstances and even God Himself reveals a deeper problem: a breach in
our relationship with God.
Romans 2:1-4, Therefore you have no excuse, everyone of you who passes judgement, for in that which you judge another, you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things. And we know that the judgment of God rightly falls upon those who practice such things. But do you suppose this, O man, when you pass judgment on those who practice such things and do the same yourself, that you will escape the judgment of God? Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?
God’s kindness and
patience toward us in the midst of our bitterness are not His seal of approval.
Rather, His forbearance is intended to lead us in repentance to Jesus Christ.
THE PEACEMAKER
Jesus had every right to
be bitter. The very One who created the universe restricted Himself to space
and time in order to save ungrateful sinners who mistreated Him, disbelieved
Him, mocked Him, and eventually crucified Him. He was the solution to their
deepest needs, yet they were more interested in taking advantage of His power.
Jesus knows what it’s like
to go from riches to rags (2 Cor. 8:9). He knows what it’s like to be
mistreated and abused, to have family turn against Him and friends betray Him. He
experienced life in a sin-cursed world and the temptation to give in to
bitterness in the face of unjust circumstances.
And yet Jesus didn’t grit
His teeth and endure suffering for the sake of “these wretched sinners”. He
didn’t sigh and yell and shake a few disciples saying, “Don’t you get it? I’m
doing this for you! A little appreciation here!” He didn’t point the finger at
God saying, “Look at what I have to go through for You! I’m doing what You
asked me to. For pity’s sake, I'm trapped in a weak human body! Couldn’t You at least make it a little easier?”
To put it bluntly, Jesus refused
to allow even a seed of bitterness to take root. He chose us in Him before the
foundation of the world that we would be holy and blameless before Him (Eph.
1:4). He predestined us to adoption as sons and daughters according to the kind
intention of His will (verse 5). He freely bestowed His grace upon His beloved
church (verse 6). He redeemed us and forgave our sins according to the riches
of His grace which He lavished upon us
(verses 7-8). He made known to us His will according to His kind intention
(verse 9). As His children, we are sealed forever with the Holy Spirit as God’s
own possession (verse 14).
Jesus loves His children
before they love in Him. He chose them before they choose Him. He poured out
His life in order to save them from their sin while they were helpless to do
nothing, while they were still His enemies (Rom. 5:6-11).
If you have experienced
such love and grace in your own life, you know how beautiful this reality is.
We have wronged God in uncountable ways. Our sins cause an impassable gulf
between us and God. But through His life, death, and resurrection, Jesus Christ
bridged the gap between God and man in order to reconcile sinners to Himself.
Ephesians 2:13-16, But now in Christ Jesus you who formerly were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For He Himself is our peace, who made both groups into one and broke down the barrier of the dividing wall, by abolishing in His flesh the enmity, which is the Law of commandments, contained in ordinances, so that in Himself He might make the two into one new man, thus establishing peace, and might reconcile them both in one body to God through the cross, by it having put to death the enmity.
The answer to the
temptation of anger and bitterness is found in the bigger picture of Christ’s purpose
in the midst of suffering. He exemplified mercy
(slow to wrath) and grace (bestowing
undeserved favor) when He suffered in order to procure the righteousness
necessary for our salvation in His perfect life. He endured for the sake of proving
His power over sin and death in order to give eternal life to all those who
believe in Him for salvation. He agonized over the requirements, yet persevered
in patient submission in order that He would redeem sinners as their perfect
representative before God (Luke 22:42).
Jesus is our Peacemaker,
the only Savior of bitter sinners and our only hope in the midst of difficult
circumstances. In order to experience true peace with others, we must have
peace with God – and this involves heart-wrestling repentance from bitterness
and faith in Jesus Christ. Our hearts must be “born again”. The water in the
bottle must be changed from poison to pure. The dragon in the cage must be addressed
and vanquished.
Hebrews 4:15-16, For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
CLOUD OF WITNESSES
You might be feeling
uncomfortable right now. For a Christian, bitterness is one of those
“respectable sins” that we secretly don’t want to let go of. A Christian
experiences soul pain and injustice more acutely because of a heart that has
been made alive by the Holy Spirit within. The temptation to anger and bitterness
is powerful because even though we know it is sin, it is a familiar response to
pain.
But we are not alone in
our struggle. The Bible not only includes negative examples of people who
experienced bitterness, but also many examples of those who showed faith in the
midst of difficulty.
Joseph (Genesis 37, 39-50) was sold into slavery by his
jealous brothers, slandered by his master’s wife for something he didn’t do,
and forgotten in prison for several years. Later when he had the authority to
destroy the ones who had betrayed and abused him, Joseph looks at the bigger
picture and says in Genesis 50:20, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but
God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve
many people alive.”
Job (see the book of Job)
was a blameless man, upright, fearing God and turning away from evil, yet over
a short time his ten children were killed, his entire wealth of thousands of
sheep, camels, oxen, donkeys, and servants died, and his health made a nosedive.
Even though his wife succumbed to bitterness, Job looks at the bigger picture
and says in Job 1:21, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and
naked I shall return there. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed
be the name of the Lord.”
The apostle Paul (see the book of Acts) endured severe whippings,
stonings, shipwrecks, robbers, betrayal, and dangers among false brethren, but
in 2 Corinthians 12:10 he looks at the
bigger picture and says, “Therefore I am
well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions,
with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.”
These were real people who
experienced real suffering in the midst of difficult circumstances. The
difference between the two sets of examples is that the second group was empowered
by the bigger picture of the grace of Jesus Christ. Their hope was not in
personal justice for wrongs done, but rather in Jesus Christ who had secured
their peace with God. Everything paled in comparison to the enormous blessing
of God’s grace.
And that is the bigger
picture. In order for us to experience true peace with those who have wronged
us, we must let go of bitterness against them. But in order to let go of bitterness,
we must experience true peace with God. Peace with God begins with receiving salvation
as a gift of God’s grace toward me, an undeserving sinner (Rom. 3:23-26). Only then can
we begin to show the same grace and peace toward those undeserving in our own
life.
Hebrews 12:1-3, Therefore since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
IT'S NOT OVER
We have looked at the
theological implications of bitterness and the need for Jesus our Peacemaker. God willing, shortly I hope to post
Part 2 regarding the many ways in which peace with God works itself out
practically in the life of a Christian as it relates to bitterness.
I admit
this is a difficult topic, especially for someone who has experienced (and still
struggles with) bitterness. But I have also been
humbled by the grace of God as He continues to reveal its root in my life and
blessed by His Spirit in the midst of an ongoing struggle. I pray that these growing pains produce a blessing for you as well.
Further Resources:
David was one of those
people who didn’t have a whole lot going for him, at least from a human
perspective. He was the youngest son in a culture where the youngest child held
very low status. He worked in the hills as a shepherd, one of the least favorable
occupations. When he followed God with all his heart, nothing but trouble haunted
his steps for many years. If anyone understood the pain of undeserved suffering,
David did. And yet the songs and prayers he wrote have encouraged suffering
people for countless generations because even in the midst of wrestling with
God, David never lost sight of the bigger picture. For this exercise, read Psalm 22 which Jesus would later
fulfill in the midst of His own undeserved agony.
Jones, Robert, Uprooting Anger: Biblical Help for a Common Problem
Lane, Tim and Paul David Tripp, Relationships: A Mess Worth Making
Note:
All Scripture referenced from the New American Standard Bible (NASB), unless
otherwise noted.
Photo
credits:
Fractal Flame Lion Portrait – Tanya Hall
Man Trapped Inside Bottle – George Hodan
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.