I sit in a prayer circle in
silence, listening to the other women bare their hearts in prayer. Pain slices
through my chest as though I’m about to face a raging grizzly bear rather than communing
with my heavenly Father. I rehearse what I want to say, but the words escape my
concentration like water through a sieve.
This is ridiculous, I reprimand myself. I’m talking
to God, not the group. He loves me more than I could imagine. I am His child. I
can do this. But instead of empowerment, doubt scrambles my concentration. So-and-so
just poured out their heart eloquently for 10 minutes straight, but the words
in my brain are like alphabet soup. Another person raised their hands to the
ceiling, weeping fervently for the souls of the lost, while I just want to weep
from the pressure.
The person next to me shuffles
the checklist in their lap before they start praying. I sneak a peek at their
notes: neat, numbered, underlined. What in the world? I don’t have a checklist.
I don’t even have my Bible. What if I pray for something already crossed off? I
try to remember the prayer requests so I have something intelligible to say the
minute she says amen, but suddenly a scrolling banner of “Now I Lay Me Down to
Sleep” flashes across the back of my eyelids. Will this nightmare ever end?!
Suddenly there’s an
awkward silence. What just happened? Where’s the amen?! Is she just checking
her notes? Should I say “amen” to sign the woman off before I begin? How long
should I wait? The pause lengthens. Tension mounts around the circle. The woman
next to me quietly puts her notes under her chair. Somehow I’m supposed to
continue her prayer as though it’s normal…to not say amen…at the end of your
prayer. I hate feeling like I missed the memo or everyone knows the secret
handshake except me. I can’t even remember the bedtime prayer anymore.
Mouth dry, I manage to
squeak, “Bounce.” Or was I supposed to say “pass”? Skip-Bo? Shirk?
How do I say “I wish the floor would open up and swallow me” in one word?
Please don’t get me wrong.
I’m not against prayer meetings or praying with a group. I believe these are
important means of grace in the church, but the pressures I have experienced in
many prayer circles often detract from its purpose. Prayer circles are often
small numbers of women or men meeting in several groups around the room to
encourage safe vulnerability and meaningful relationships.
For those of us who
struggle to be vulnerable (and are more introverted, like me), it creates an
atmosphere of enormous pressure. Am I denying Christ if I don’t want to pray in
public? Is it a mark of spiritual maturity if I do?
In my last blog post, I introduced the whole topic of prayer. A pastor-friend of mine has
been teaching through the subject, and it has been convicting and spiritually
exhausting, to say the least. I’m set free to pray, given access to pray,
welcomed to pray, but how should I pray?
Moving forward isn’t
always a matter of transitioning from Point A to Point B. I’m not talking about
corporate prayer as in Sunday worship, but rather personal, every-day prayer. I’m
so thankful that I don’t have to try and figure it out on my own. Once again
the Bible holds the answers.
Look at Matthew 6:1, 5-8:
“Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven.When you pray, you are not to be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners so that they may be seen by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full.But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is I secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you. And when you are praying, do not use meaningless repetition as the Gentiles do, for they suppose that they will be heard for their many words.So do not be like them; for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.”
We have to be careful
because these verses aren’t talking about prayer meetings or praying in public.
Jesus isn’t condemning the length or location of our prayers here. Rather,
these verses give three examples of personal prayer and what is truly acceptable
to God:
1. Don’t pray
hypocritically (v. 5)
According to Jewish
tradition, a Jew was supposed to pray at least three times a day. Daniel is a
good example of this, and prayed from a heart that truly loved God (Dan. 6:10).
The Pharisees were the spiritual leaders of Jesus’s day, but instead of praying
quietly three times a day out of love for God as Daniel did, they went outside
and prayed loudly on the street corners, in the marketplaces, and near the
temple where crowds were sure to see them. They wanted to be noticed by the
crowds and praised for their devotion. Instead of bringing them closer to God
through a personal relationship, prayer became a tool to serve their own pride.
Read this example of a hypocrite’s
prayer from Luke 18:9-12,
And He [Jesus] also told this parable to some people who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and viewed others with contempt: “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood and was praying this to himself: ‘God, I thank You that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all that I get.’”
The problem starts when
the Pharisee opened his mouth. He boasts in his good works, elevates himself
above those he despises, and expects God to pat him on the back for being such
a good boy. It soon becomes apparent that God despises the hypocrite’s prayer.
Look at the rest of the parable in verses
13-14, But the tax collector,
standing some distance away, was even unwilling to lift up his eyes to heaven,
but was beating his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, the sinner!’ I
tell you, this man went to his house justified rather than the other; for
everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be
exalted.”
God doesn’t hear our
prayers simply because of faithful church attendance, reading the Bible in a
year, or staying on the right side of the law. If you’ve attended church for
any length of time, you know that hypocrisy is an issue in every Christian church
just as it was in Jesus’s time. It’s part of human nature to deny the reality or
degree of our sin. We want to fit in, present our best sides, and hide who we
truly are. It’s easy to feel good about yourself when there’s someone “worse”
to compare to as this Pharisee did to the tax collector. I know because I’ve
been there.
I was raised by Christian
parents, attended a Christian church every Sunday, prayed before meals at home,
and sat through countless morning and evening family devotions. I was
homeschooled with Christian curriculum and had only Christian friends. But
these good blessings became a source of pride to me. I lived for the approval
of those around me and thought God was impressed too, but in reality I was one
of the hypocrites that Jesus condemned.
Several years later, God
mercifully saved me. Interestingly it was by hearing expositional preaching
through the book of Romans – which was written to confront the
self-righteousness of newly-converted Jews in Rome. In it, the apostle Paul
compares humanity not to the worst of sinners but to God Himself which
completely eliminates any room for boasting. God cares more about the condition
of our hearts than our good works.
Romans 3:23, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”Romans 9:16, So then it does not depend on the man who wills or the man who runs, but on God who has mercy.Romans 10:12-13, For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, abounding in riches for all who call on Him; for “Whoever will call upon the name of the Lord will be saved.”
God regenerates hypocrites
in spite of themselves – I am evidence of that! – but our access to God through
prayer is a privilege by grace through faith and has everything to do with His
glory alone. He wants us to be awed by His grace, His mercy, His love, and His
faithfulness in the person and work of Jesus Christ.
So if our prayers are not
to be me-centered, what about
sincerity? Doesn’t all earnest prayer centered on glorifying a deity – no
matter what religion you are – reach God’s ears?
2. Don’t pray
like the Gentiles (v. 7-8a)
If the “hypocrites”
supposedly represented the spiritual how-to’s of following God, the “Gentiles”
were everyone else, those who were not part of the people of God and cared less
about worshiping the true God at all.
Notice Matthew 6:7-8a: And when you are praying, do not use meaningless repetition as the Gentiles do, for they suppose that they will be heard for their many words. So do not be like them.
In 1 Kings 18:25-29, the
nation Israel was mired in idolatry and plagued with a three-year drought. In
an epic showdown on Mount Carmel, 450 prophets of Baal cried, “O Baal, answer
us” for entire day. These prophets were sincere, including violent self-flagellation.
But there was no answer.
At one point, Elijah, the
prophet of God, suggested, “Call out louder! Maybe he can’t hear you. Maybe
he’s busy with more important things or using the bathroom. Maybe he left on a
long journey or he’s asleep and needs to be woken up.” (v. 27) Elijah may have
been mocking them, but these were legitimate concerns to the prophets of Baal.
All Gentiles believed that
their gods weren’t perfect. Their gods murdered one another, debased one
another, lied and stole from one another, and made the heavens quake whenever
they were angry. Their gods were selfish, deceitful, and powerful. The whole
concept of a meaningful relationship with their Creator was a foreign concept.
Prayer was nothing more than a ritualistic response to circumstances and an
attempt to satisfy a guilty conscience. It was up to the worshipers to appease
the gods with superstitious rituals.
On top of that, the
Gentiles also believed that their gods didn’t know everything. As they prayed,
there was this underlying fear that if they forgot to mention something
specifically or did things in the wrong order, their god would be confused and
answer their prayers wrong. Their prayers were excruciatingly specific
according to a detailed ritual or chant. Otherwise instead of help, their
problems might increase. Often they included self-mutilation like the prophets
of Baal to show true sincerity.
In Greek culture, there
were so many gods that an altar was made for “the unknown god” in case they
forgot someone. But notice how the apostle Paul didn’t excuse their ignorance,
no matter how sincere they were.
Look at Acts 17:22-31,
So Paul stood in the midst of the Areopagus and said, “Men of Athens, I observe that you are very religious in all respects. For while I was passing through and examining the objects of your worship, I also found an altar with this inscription, ‘TO AN UNKNOWN GOD.’ Therefore what you worship in ignorance, this I proclaim to you.The God who made the world and all things in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands; nor is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He Himself gives to all people life and breath and all things; and He made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined their appointed times and the boundaries of their habitation, that they would seek God, if perhaps they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us; for in Him we live and move and exist, as even some of your own poets have said, ‘For we also are His children.’Being then the children of God, we ought not to think that the Divine Nature is like gold or silver or stone, an image formed by the art and thought of man. Therefore having overlooked the times of ignorance, God is now declaring to men that all people everywhere should repent, because He has fixed a day in which He will judge the world in righteousness through a Man whom He has appointed, having furnished proof to all men by raising Him from the dead.”
Praying sincerely to a
false deity or figment of your imagination will never reach God’s ears. Any
religion that redefines who the Creator is apart from the Bible and strays from
the centrality of Jesus Christ is a false religion. The prayers of the Gentiles
are like shotgun ammunition blasted in all directions – “meaningless repetition”
– hoping to hit close to the mark but falling infinitely short.
Even as Christians, we
have to guard against praying this way:
·
Routine praying
before meals, trips, or important events without a second thought so we can get
to the fun part.
·
Avoid praying for
things like patience because God seems to increase the stressful opportunities
that need it, as though God can be manipulated to answer however we want.
·
Praying as though
God fell asleep, as though He isn’t sovereign and good and faithful. We tend to
ask ourselves, Did I do something wrong?
Did I love something more than Him – is that why He took it away?
·
Appeasing God
through greater service at church, avoiding good things I think I don’t
deserve, and other forms of self-punishment to soothe a guilty conscience before coming to Him in prayer.
For a long time, I thought
that if I obeyed God, He would answer my prayers. My prayers contained very
little trust in God’s sovereignty and love within the bigger picture and it felt
like God was purposefully frustrating me at every turn. I was constantly
evaluating and criticizing my performance, even punishing myself, to justify why
my prayers often went unanswered.
Looking back, my prayer
life was actually an attempt to manipulate God into giving me what I wanted,
even good things like joy and peace – just like the Gentiles do. I was missing
the bigger picture of what prayer is intended for.
As Jesus tell us in Matthew
6:6, 8-9a, true prayer is completely different.
3. How to pray
(v. 6, 8-9a)
As Jesus often did
throughout His earthly ministry, He refused to pick sides with either the
religious leaders or the Gentiles. Instead He steps in essentially saying,
“They’re both wrong. I will show you the true way of the kingdom of God.”
Notice Matthew 6:6, 8-9a: But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you. So do not be like them; for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him. Pray, then, in this way:…”
Even as fallen creatures,
we are designed to glorify God, but because of enslavement to sin we cannot. We
must be “born again”; our hearts must be set free from sin. Salvation cannot be
obtained by anything we offer, including good works like the hypocrites or
sincere prayer like the Gentiles. Jesus did everything necessary for our
redemption through His life, death, and resurrection. By turning away from our
sin and trusting in Him as the only way we can be saved, we are made alive by
faith through the power of the Holy Spirit and adopted as children of God
forever.
Our prayers are in light
of what has already been done on our
behalf. We are set free to glorify God, and this includes our prayer life!
As the verses in Matthew 6:6, 8-9a are broken down, notice
how different a God-honoring prayer is:
·
“you” – God
desires intimate fellowship with His children one-on-one
·
“when you pray” – an expected act of
devotion
·
“go” – a
command
·
“inner room”
– a place where one can prioritize talking to God with minimal distractions
·
“pray to your Father” – prayer done out of redeemed position in Jesus Christ
as a child of God
·
“who is in secret” – God is sovereign and sees what man cannot see or comprehend
·
“will reward you” – God’s answers to prayer are blessings, and God-centered prayers of
faith will receive true communion with Him
·
“knows what you need before you ask Him” – God is both sovereign and good; He is not dependent upon our prayers or efforts to
provide for our needs
True prayer flips everything
upside-down! It is NOT about us or our good efforts. It is NOT about our
sincerity or imagination. Our prayers are NOT for God’s benefit, but rather for
our benefit in growing more like
Jesus as we learn to align our will and
desires with God’s (Col. 3:17). The joy of identity in Christ is the true
motivation for prayer. This reality should drive us to desire more of Jesus
which will produce our posture, not the other way around.
Our prayers should be so
much BIGGER than our temporal circumstances. Having a God-centered approach to
our prayers teaches us to look for God’s hand in the details rather than
focusing on my desires or my disappointments. We learn to trust
Him when we remember that God is working all things together for the good of
those who love Him and are called according
to His purpose (Rom. 8:28).
God delights in hearing
our prayers, and there is nothing too big or small that will be ignored when we
bring it to Him in faith. But God also delights in drawing us close to Him. What
if God’s answer to sickness and disease is not removing it, but rather a greater
measure of His grace to endure it as He draws me closer to Him? What if God’s
answer to my poverty is not money, but reliance on Him for my daily needs as
the children of Israel did for their daily manna? What if God’s answer to prayers
for safe travel is not arrival at a destination, but a car accident that takes
away a loved one … and strengthening of faith as He leads me through this dark
valley?
Matthew 6:8b
reassures us, Your Father knows what you
need before you ask Him. God is never obligated to answer our prayers
according to our desires, but He always answers for our ultimate good. He can
see the whole picture, whereas we can only see how it affects our situation
right now.
The Psalms are excellent
teachers for how to pray because they are written by people who were confronted
with the same issues all humanity faces: loss, fear, anger, sin, joy,
loneliness, depression, beauty of creation, providence, need. The psalms wrestle
with God but rest in His will whatever it may be. There are psalms of joy over
salvation and praise for what God has done. The imprecatory psalms call out for
justice while repentant psalms plead for mercy. Every single psalm is an
outpouring of the heart to God in the midst of daily circumstances, but every
psalm is centered on where its trust is found.
The Psalms have been one
of the biggest impacts on my prayer life. For many years I was burdened by a
relentless cycle of bitterness, depression, and grief over events outside of my
control. I prayed often for relief, to have things restored, to be set free
from this struggle. But God didn’t remove these things, at least not the way I’d
envisioned. Instead, He piled on more and more difficult circumstances. I
didn’t ask for years of weeping, but looking back, God answered a lifetime of
prayer in a crash course that taught me to find my all in Him whatever happened.
All those years praying
for joy and peace, wondering how Jesus related to everything I was going
through, were answered. God stripped away my defenses and broke me, then
persistently led me to Jesus the Great Physician. He would not let me go as I
learned to trust Him. Eventually I caught a glimpse of the bigger picture. My
prayers were never ignored, even when it seemed like God was frustrating them
at every turn. God was answering them according
to what I needed. Knowing Jesus in a deeper way through the pain made my
joy so much richer than I could ever imagine.
As I draw this post to a
close, the question of how to pray is not complicated. Prayer was never
intended to prove religious devotion or maneuver fate. Sometimes it falters in
prayer groups. Sometimes it can only whisper, “Lord, be merciful to me, a
sinner.” Sometimes it lifts my heart and hands toward heaven.
But at all times, true prayer
starts in the heart of a child of God as he or she draws near by faith to the
only place where grace and mercy can be found. True prayer is grounded on
biblical truth and centered on the glory of God. True prayer seeks to align one’s
will and desires with God’s and trusts that whatever He gives is for my good.
I recently listened to
this song “You Stand Alone” by Sovereign Grace Praise,
and it is an excellent introduction to what we will be looking at next time,
namely the content of true prayer.
You spoke and
time began,
Light dawned
at Your command,
And by Your
Word the earth began to move.
Carved
mountains with Your hands,
Breathed life
into all men,
You made it
all and saw that it was good.
There is no
rival to You, O God;
All kings and
idols will one day fall.
Who among the
gods is like You?
Who could
ever measure all You've done, O God?
Creator,
Sustainer, Merciful Savior;
Forever on
Your throne, You stand alone,
You stand
alone.
Your Spirit
gave the Law
In kindness
to us all,
And though we
never kept it, You were true.
Lawmaker, You
have saved
Lawbreakers
from the grave,
And by Your
Son our guilt has been removed.
Your endless
glory shines through Your Son;
There is no
story of greater love.
FURTHER RESOURCES:
Bible study –
Read 2 Corinthians 12:1-10. Too often we pray for relief without also
praying for God to draw us near to Himself. How can you realign your heart to
pray like the apostle Paul and trust in the sovereign and good hand of God even
when His answer requires walking by faith?
Books –
Bounds, E.M., The Complete Works of E. M. Bounds on Prayer
Murray, Andrew, The Secret of Intercession
Piper, John, When I Don’t Desire God: How to Fight for Joy
Spurgeon, Charles, The Power in Prayer
Note: All Scripture
references from the New American Standard Bible (NASB) unless otherwise noted.
“You Stand Alone” Music and words by Neil DeGraide, George Romanacce, and
Dale Bischof. © 2015 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI)/Sovereign Grace Worship
(ASCAP). Sovereign Grace Music, a division of Sovereign Grace Churches. All
rights reserved. Administrated worldwide at www.CapitolCMGPublishing.com,
excluding the UK which is admin. by Integrity Music, part of the David C Cook
family. www.SovereignGraceMusic.org
Photo credits:
PD Sadness/Man in the Shadow – George Hodan
PD Tower of David Street – Dawn Hudson
PD Praying –
Peter Griffin
PD Rosary Beads
– Karen Arnold
PD Daddy’s Girl
– Peter Griffin
PD Child’s First Prayer – Dawn Hudson